The Other Shoe
by oliviatennant
Summary: Seven months after Barba's, Amigo- Liv and Barba couldn't be happier. But Barba can't help but wondering when the other shoe will drop.
1. Chapter 1

**On Saturday morning- Barba,** with a cool washcloth in one hand, ginger ale in the other and Noah riding piggy-back walks quietly into Olivia's room. She lies very still, with her eyes closed. When she hears Noah's futile attempt at a whisper, "Mami es enferma?", her mouth quirks up in a smile.

Barba sets down the ginger ale and turns back to Noah, "Yes, you little germ transport, Mami es enferma."

Olivia opens her eyes and watches Barba do his best to set Noah down gently on the bed without jostling her too much.

 _It's been nearly seven months since they disclosed their relationship to 1PP- and she still can't quite get the smile off her face every time she sees Barba 'being domestic'. He'd kept his apartment but he practically lived at her place. She'd been sick all night with a stomach flu and he'd been right there with her. And now- even though he looked dead tired- he was taking care of everything._

Noah giggles and the crawls up to sit beside her- snuggling into her side. Barba places the cool rag on her face and gives her a quick kiss on the forehead, "How you feelin'?"

"A little better. No more play dates with the Moore twins- that family is in a constant state of contagion."

Barba smiles, "Brought you some ginger ale. Do you feel like eating anything else?"

Olivia shakes her head, "Thanks. I'm just gonna try and sleep."

"I was going to take Noah to get lunch with my mother, if you think you're OK here."

Olivia gives him a weak smile and nod- he gives her one more quick kiss on the head and then grabs Noah. "OK, Amigo- just you and me today." He turns to back as he gets to the door. "Get some sleep and text me if I can bring anything back for you." He shuts the door behind him and heads off to get Noah dressed.

 **Lucia Barba is already** waiting at a table inside the café when Barba walks up hand-in-hand with Noah. When Noah sees her- he immediately lets go of Barba's hand and runs over. She scoops him up, "Hola, Gordo! Give Abuelita a kiss!" Noah leans in and gives her a sloppy kiss.

Barba gives her a look of disapproval. "Mamí, por favor."

Lucia quirks an eyebrow at her son, "It's your Lieutenant who started calling me that. I thought she was joining us?"

"She caught Noah's stomach flu." Barba sits down and draws in a deep breath- looking over at his mother. "Look, Mamí, we've been together 7 months, what if something happens. I don't want it to be any harder on him than it has to be."

Lucia settles Noah into a highchair beside her- as Barba pulls out a sippy cup and some crayons to keep him entertained. They both switch to speaking only in Spanish, a common occurrence when it's just the two of them with Noah.

Lucia looks over at her son who is now avoiding her by looking through the menu. "What is it that you think will happen? You love each other- and God knows no one else will put up with either one of you." Barba looks up slightly over his menu at her comment. She reaches up and pulls the menu down between them- forcing his eyes to hers. "Rafi, you have to let yourself be happy. The heart sees farther than the head. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and just enjoy it."

 _He knows she's right but it's easier said than done. He's not sure he's ever been as happy with his life as he is now but all his contentment serves only to make him more suspicious of whatever's just around the corner. Neither he or Liv have good track records for relationships- God knows neither exactly had perfect examples for it growing up. He stands in constant limbo between pure bliss and terror that he's going to fuck everything up and loose it all._

He looks across at his mom and gives her a half-hearted smile. "OK, Mamí." He looks over at Noah "So Noah here, learned a new song that he'll have to sing for you after lunch."

She allows the subject change. "Oh, he sings now, huh? Will you sing for me, Gordo?"

Noah smiles up and nods while taking a sip of his juice.

Barba smiles at him then looks at his mother, "It's pretty hilarious. He was cracking the whole squad up the other day at the office."

Lucia is excited to finally see her son really happy, she just hopes that some of what she said got through.

 **When Barba walks** back into the apartment with a passed out Noah- he finds Liv at the stove attempting to make soup. He whispers across at her, concerned, "What are you doing?"

Thinking it seems pretty obvious, Liv answers matter-of-factly, "Making soup."

"Let me put him down, I'll do that." Barba hurries through the apartment and deposits Noah into his bed before returning to shoo Olivia away from the stove. "Go sit down, I'll bring it over."

Olivia struggles between being perturbed that he doesn't think she can fend for herself and grateful that he's doing it. She's weak from being sick for so many days so she settles on grateful. She plants a small kiss on his cheek as he takes over kitchen duties and then moves into the den to snuggle up on the couch.

A few minutes later, he brings the soup around to her, "Can I get you something to drink?" She shakes her head as she sips on the soup. He settles in gently beside her. "Must be feeling better if you feel like eating?"

She sits up a bit and looks at him, "Yes, thank God. I'm never letting Noah play with other children again."

Barba chuckles and switches on the TV. Olivia leans into him as she continues to sip her soup, "Hey, thanks for taking care of everything the last couple days while I was out of commission."

He smiles at her, "Of course." He plants a kiss on her head as she snuggles into him.

 _He realizes his mother was right- he has it bad for this woman. He certainly won't be the one to walk away. He even found sick Liv attractive. Deep down- when he lets himself feel it- he knows he's found home._

"Glad you're feeling better" he whispers into the top of her head.

 **Barba's relief over her recovery** is short lived, however. At 2AM, he wakes up in bed, alone for the third night in a row. He gets up and shuffles over to the bathroom where he can see light seeping out from under the door. When he swings the door open, he finds Liv once again on the tile floor of their bathroom- heaving into the toilet.

Eyes still heavy with sleep, he grabs the washcloth hanging by the sink and runs cool water on it. He sits on the edge of the tub- pressing the cool cloth against the back of her neck. She stops momentarily and leans back. He presses the cloth against her face, "So guess the soup wasn't such a great idea."

She closes her eyes and gives him a half-grin. "I'm so over this." She grabs his hand and draws his eyes to hers. "You should go back to bed. No sense in both of us being dead on our feet at work tomorrow."

His sleepy brain can only manage agitation at her statement, "Liv, you're not going to work tomorrow. You're going to the doctor. This is going on day 4."

"It's getting better. I have to go in tomorrow- we go to trial in 3 days."

"I'm sure we can manage." He sighs. "Stomach bugs last a day, Liv. You need to get this checked out."

She nods- she knows he's right. She doesn't want to admit it but something doesn't feel right. She's never been sick like this.

"How do you feel? Think you can come back to bed?"

She nods again and he reaches down to pull her up. He puts a supportive hand on her back- leading her back to their bed. _He's trying to stay calm but he can't help the nagging voice- now nearly screaming- in his head that says the other shoe is about to drop._


	2. Chapter 2

**The next morning** \- Barba has just managed to get Noah dressed when Lucy walks through the door. He hands off Noah and pours himself a cup of coffee, "Hey- Liv's still not feeling well, she's going to the doctor this afternoon but maybe take him to the park or something this morning? It'd be good if she could get some rest."

Lucy nods but responds with a bit of trepidation, "Did she mention-? I have an interview this afternoon- I told her I could only keep Noah until 3. Is that-"

Barba looks up from his coffee, mentally combing through his workday, "Oh- yeah, just- um- I guess, bring him by my office. You know where it is?"

Lucy nods and Barba heads back to their bedroom with a glass of water.

 **He finds Olivia** lying in bed, sleepily watching the morning news. He deposits the water on the nightstand, "Can I get you anything before I go?" Olivia gives him a weak smiles and shakes her head. "K. Lucy's got Noah. Dr. Walker said she can see you at 1."

Olivia nods, "Thanks."

Barba looks at her with concern. "Want me to meet you there?"

Olivia brings her eyes up to his and takes his hand, "Rafi, it's nothing. We're just making sure, OK?"

Barba gives her an unconvincing nod before leaning in and kissing her forehead, "OK, see you when I get home. Love you."

"Love you, too."

 **With the trial three days** **out** , Barba does his best to concentrate on the work in front of him but the more the day stretches on the more anxious he gets.

 _He's always been a tightly wound ball of nerves but a meticulous, calculated, confident ball of nerves. Except when it came to people he loved. He was great in a crisis unless it involved his mother, Liv or Noah- especially when he didn't know exactly what the crisis entailed. His ability to play out multiple scenarios in his head like a chessmaster worked against him when he was waiting for news._

When he texts Liv at 2:30 to see how the appointment went and she replies with "We'll talk when you get home." It only adds fuel to the fire. He attempts to call her but just as he does Lucy arrives with Noah in tow.

He hangs up the phone and takes Noah. He gets the briefing on what Noah's eaten and how long his nap was before he thanks Lucy and she heads out. Noah being there momentarily calms Barba down. Maybe a realization in the back of his mind that he and Noah are in this together. He settles Noah in one of the oversized chairs at his round table.

"Alright, Compay. Que tenemos? Quieres colorear?" Barba pulls out some crayons and a coloring book that he keeps stashed on his bookshelf.

Just as he gets Noah settled with his crayons and a snack, Buchanan walks in for their 3:30 meeting. Rollins is right behind him. Barba stands and walks back behind his desk. Amanda comes to stand beside him.

"Counselor, I understand you think you have something for me."

Barba motions for him to take a seat, Buchanan just rocks back on his heels and smiles across the desk. "He'll plea to endangering the welfare of a child, he's willing to serve a year plus 5 years probation plus anger management"

Barba settles into his seat and lets out a self-satisfied huff, "A misdemeanor? Counselor, your client beat his own son within an inch of his life."

Rollins jumps in, "And we have credible witnesses."

Buchanan continues with a smarmy grin, "This was a one time thing, Barba, the boy fully recovered. He's the only family member the kid has left. He lost his temper one time- give the man a break."

"You really going to make that argument with my son sitting 5 feet away from you?" _Barba's stomach does a flip-flop, he hadn't meant to call Noah his son- it'd just slipped out. He'll blame it on stress for now._

Buchanan's eyebrows shoot up- his grin growing wider, "Oh, he's your son now too, huh? Can anyone just claim him when they want to make a point?"

Barba's chin lowers, his jaw tightens and he stares Buchanan down. _He's not sure whether Buchanan is taking a jab at Olivia or comparing him to Johnny D, but either way he's pissed._

He musters an angry grin and spits out, "No deal, Counselor. I'll see you in court Thursday."

Buchanan realizes he's crossed a line and looks as if he may try to back track when Barba interjects again. "Don't worry, there was no deal before the crack about Noah either. I've planned on Mr. Adams going to prison for a very long time since the moment the case came across my desk."

Buchanan can sense that it's over, he nods, "See you in court, Counselor." He turns on heel and is out the door in a flash.

Once Buchanan is gone, Rollins lets out a heavy sigh. "I don't know how he does it."

Barba responds with a quirk of his eyebrow as he stands and walks over to sit beside Noah. He shuffles through a file while looking over at Noah's haphazard coloring. He points to a dog on the page, "What's that, buddy?"

Noah looks up and smiles at him, "Dog." Noah scrunches his nose at Barba, "Ruf, ruf, ruf!"

Barba grins at him and then turns his attention back to Rollins, "Alright, I want to prep Mrs. Henderson's testimony tomorrow morning- she's available?"

Rollins nods and comes to sit on the other side of Noah. She picks up a crayon and helps him color. "Yep, 9am OK?"

Barba cast a sideways glance at her, _he's not sure, that really depends on what Liv has to tell him tonight_. "Let make it 10."

Rollins can see the tension he's holding, "How's Liv feeling?"

Barba doesn't look up from the file, "She fine. She went to the doctor this afternoon. I'm sure it's fine." He looks up at Rollins and attempts to make light of the situation, "She can't leave me yet, we're about to start potty training. And don't know what to do with that." He grins and cast a sideways glance at Noah. Rollins chuckles

His attempt to lighten the mood only serves to make his worry more real though. His expression drops inperceptibly as he considers the very real possibility that something is wrong. Barba looks over to meet Amanda's eyes, suddenly serious again, "They probably have books on that though right?"

Rollins shifts uncomfortably but nods. _Barba's problem was that the only way he knew how to deal with anything was logic. When a crisis occurred he'd go in to "fix it" mode- and that's exactly where he found himself right now._

He holds up a hand and stands, "Can you excuse me a minute?" He makes his way to his office door. Rollins can hear him speaking urgently to his assistant.

"Do you think you could do some research? Find the best potty training books and have them delivered?"

Amanda grins and drops her head in attempt to stifle a laugh. Barba in panic mode always cracked her up- though she sincerely hoped nothing was really wrong with Liv.


	3. Chapter 3

**By the time Barba** walks through the door that evening, he has managed to whip himself into a frenzy about what could be wrong with Liv.

 _He's played out every scenario in his head and attempted to come up with solutions for every possibility. Barba's convinced himself that he needs to expect the worst. That's just the way his life works. He's finally found something he'd do anything to hold on to and now it's going to be taken away. This is what he'd been anxiously awaiting ever since they decided to admit they loved each other. Currently, his laser focus is on letting her know that everything's going to be alright- that he's got it all worked out._

Barba walks in to find Liv in the kitchen. "There are my boys" ,she says as she rounds the corner into the living room.

Barba stands at the coat rack, concentrating on getting Noah's jacket off to avoid seeing whatever Liv's about to tell him reflected in her eyes. Barba steps into the living room holding tightly to Noah. Olivia leans in giving Noah a quick peck on the cheek. Barba can't help but notice that she seems to be looking at her son a bit more contemplatively than usual.

He gives her a weak smile as she leans in to kiss him too. Noah squirms to get down and play with his toys- leaving Barba and Olivia standing in the middle of the floor, both unsure how to start the conversation.

"How're you feeling?" he starts.

"Sit down a sec" She takes a seat on the couch, he doesn't join her.

His heart's dropped into his stomach and he feels the overwhelming need to make sure she knows he's going to fix everything. "Before you- Whatever this is- whatever it is we're going to get through it. I-" he worries his lip for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "But you know, I was thinking, if something _were_ to happen to you- Liv, if something were to happen- they would take him away from me. And I know I'm not the best father figure ever but I love him. And my mom would help. And it's got to be better than the foster system, right? I just think maybe we should have some paperwork. Doesn't have to be adoption but something. Just something."

He looks at her expectantly, awaiting a response- but she's furrowed her brow in confusion while she attempts to decipher what he's saying. Uneasy with the silence, Barba continues, "Also, a list. A list would be helpful- you know: when can he ride the subway alone? When do I give the talk? When can he have a cell phone? I'll definitely need a list."

 _Now her silence was getting to him, she obviously didn't want him to be Noah's father. And why should she? What if he turned into his own father? What if one day he would be the man he was putting on trail in 2 days? He suddenly feels ridiculous._

"No, you're right- I'm sorry, I'm overreacting, I'm sure you have someone in mind-"

Her brain now having caught up, Olivia's not sure whether to be amused or offended. She decides, at the very least, she needs him to stop talking. "Barba, do you think I have cancer?"

At the sound of the C word- the blood drains from Barba's face. "Oh God, I should have gone with you."

"Barba, I don't have cancer, I'm not dying."

He sucks in a breath in an attempt to reign in his emotions. She can see moisture forming in his eyes, sees his face tighten as it does when he attempts to keep from crying.

"You should sit" she suggests again. And he does- as if on autopilot. He takes her hand- a tight smile spreading across his face. He's never felt relief this all encompassing before- he can barely hear the next few sentences as she speaks. "After I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to think before you say anything."

 _Barba has a bad habit of saying what he's thinking and she's not sure she wants to hear his first thought about what she's about to say._

She draws in a breath. "Do you remember that night after the Richardson case about 5 weeks ago, your mom was keeping Noah-"

Barba nods- still on autopilot. She decides to cut to the chase.

"Rafael, I'm pregnant."

He sure as hell heard that.

His eyes snap to hers, concern and disbelief sketched all over his face. His mouth is suddenly very dry, he swallows in an attempt to remedy the situation. He averts his eyes, attempting desperately to process the information. After a long moment, he finally manages to form words- "I- uh- I think I ordered the wrong books. I need to- um-" he finally drags his gaze back to her "I think I need some water."

He stands abruptly and goes into the kitchen. Olivia sits on the couch for a moment attempting to reign in her disappointment before she follows him into the kitchen.

He's standing at the sink- staring out at Noah- drinking a glass of tap water. She walks up and leans her hip against the counter- careful not to stand too close but blocking his exit in case he attempts another retreat.

"I didn't mean this to happen. Didn't even think it still could to be honest. I don't expect- I understand-" she's not sure how to put this. She tries again "This doesn't mean you're stuck with us."

Barba hangs his head and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he stares down into the sink as he talks to her. "I spent all fucking day thinking I was loosing you" ,he grinds out. He finally turns to her and meets her eyes, he seems almost angry. "If I've figured out anything it's that the thing I want more than ANYTHING is to be stuck with you."

"But?" He averts his eyes again while she awaits a response. "Just not me and two kids." She sighs- it's what she expected but not what she hoped for. "It's OK."

She turns to walk out of the kitchen but he grabs her arm and spins her back to him. "On the nights that I walk through that door and see Noah's still awake – that's the happiest moment of my day. For a split second, I'm reminded that the whole world isn't rapist and murderers. Just seeing him- makes the entire day better. But you know what my very next thought is- every time?" He searches Olivia's eyes intensely. "What happens when he eventually makes me angry? What happens on the night after we lose a big case and I've had one scotch too many and he does something, anything-? And now there will be one more person's life for me to fuck up!"

All Olivia's disappointment is replaced with empathy. She knows the fear he's feeling all to well. She slides her hand down into his and steps closer. "You're not your father, Rafi." She nearly whispers. "Do you really think I'd let you near him if I thought you could be? You show me every day that you aren't him."

He pulls back a bit. Gesticulating with both hands. "I have good memories of my dad too, Liv? What if one day he just reached a breaking point? And I just haven't reached it yet? And my mother- as strong as she is- she just- she couldn't walk away."

"Rafael Barba, if you hurt one of my kids- I won't walk away either- I'll just shoot you." She smiles trying to lighten the mood. His mouth twitches up but he's not having it. He turns and looks out at Noah.

She steps closer again- craning her head to draw his eyes back to hers. "Rafi, you still look as if you're going to be sick every time he so much as skins his knee."

"Oh, I do not!" He retorts angrily. She gives him a knowing look and he concedes with a sigh.

"Do you seriously think you could purposely hurt him?"

Barba looks back to Noah and then returns his gaze to her. His mouth twitches up in a tight, weak smile. She's made a good point.

He feels like he's been through the wringer. In the past 24 hours he's experienced depression, anger, panic, relief and fear like he's never experienced before. But now- he's overwhelmed with nothing but love for the incredible woman in front of him.

His eyes brighten and she finally sees excitement there. He steps closer, his eyes drifting to her stomach where he carefully places his hand- as if he'll already be able to tell something. His eyes come back to hers, "So, we're really having a baby?"

She smiles and nods. A broad smile finally breaks over his face. He pulls her into a tender kiss.

When their lips part, he hugs her tightly to him and whispers into her ear- but almost to himself, "Dios, te amo." He closes his eyes, turns his face into her neck and takes a deep breath. "I really do have to go order different books though."

They both chuckle. She has no idea what he's talking about- She's just so relieved he's happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the very long delay. Had a bunch of work I had to get done. The next few updates should be more frequent. Hope you enjoy this one! Thanks for all the awesome feedback- it's always encouraging when people find time to leave comments and critiques!**

 **After putting Noah to bed** , Olivia finds Barba sitting up in bed- his laptop on his lap.

She looks at him disapprovingly as she changes into an oversized t-shirt and slips into bed beside him. "I thought we promised no case work in bed."

Barba continues to stare intently at the screen. "Did you know the baby already has a heart? It's the size of the head of pen but has a heart" He seems in awe. She grins at him.

 _She_ _should have known the first thing he'd do was research. He was a nerd at heart- and research was how he dealt with everything. He hated not knowing all of the details about anything he was involved in. She secretly suspected that was part of what made him so good in bed- his ability to patiently study something until he got it just right. When he'd first joined SVU- he was at nearly every one of Olivia's seminars- soaking in as much information about the victims he'd be fighting for as possible. Although, now that they were together, Olivia suspected he may have had more than just thirst for knowledge drawing him to the long-winded conferences._

He turns and grins at her, "Next week- it'll probably even be beating."

She smiles back and leans in to give him a quick kiss. "Enough research."

He closes the laptop and puts it on his bedside table as she lies back on her pillow. He props himself up on one elbow and looks down at her, excited. "I was thinking- we should invite everyone for dinner Saturday to tell them."

"We can't-"

"No, right- we should tell my mother first or she'll kill me. Next week, we could-"

Olivia props up on both elbows and faces him. "No, Rafi, we can't."

He looks at her perplexed. "At some point I think they'll figure it out."

She smirks at him, "Yes, I know. We just need to wait until the end of the first trimester to share it with anyone."

"What happens then?"

"Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester. Because of our ages- because of my age, we're more at risk than most people. I just want to wait until we're on safer ground."

All the worry from the afternoon floods back in. Olivia sees dread come over Barba's face. "Miscarriage?"

"Chances are, everything will be fine. It's just a precaution." He's lost in thought so she pauses and dips her head to bring his eyes back to hers. "Rafael, trust me. It does us no good to worry about something that probably won't happen. Everyone waits to tell people."

He nods and gives her an uncertain smile. _She's right- he's sure she is. But his stomach is in knots._

She lies back on her pillow again and looks up at him, "We have an ultrasound in three weeks- lets look forward to that, huh?"

He finally gives her a genuine smile and reaches over her to turn out the light. She turns onto her side and he snuggles into her back- throwing a protective arm over her and drawing her close. He kisses the side of her neck and whispers, "Te amo."

"Love you, too."

She's asleep nearly instantly. He waits for a few minutes after her breathing changes before disentangling himself from her- grabbing his computer and heading out to the living room.

 **At 2 am, Barba** is still combing over article after article in the living room when he hears Olivia pad softly to their bathroom and close the door behind her. He closes his laptop and leaves it on the coffee table. _He needs to stop this anyway, he's only working himself up._

He goes to the fridge to retrieve some ice chips before following Olivia into the bathroom- where he finds her once again retching. He grabs a cool cloth and takes his usual post on the side of the bathtub. "You OK?"

Olivia nods and leans back against the wall. "Very ready for this part of the fun to be over."

Barba answers with a sympathetic grin. "You could take tomorrow off too."

Olivia shakes her head. "I don't want them thinking something's really wrong. Especially, if I won't be able to tell them the real cause for a little while."

Barba looks at her concerned. He reaches up and grabs the ice chips from the counter and holds them out to her. "So I did some research and-" Olivia quirks an eyebrow at him and he pretends not to notice. "And stress is a major contributor to complications. You know if I give up my apartment- we could afford a bigger place on my salary alone. Maybe you could- maybe stay home for a few months."

"Are you suggesting I quit working at SVU?" _He's clearly saying this out of concern so she does her best to keep her anger at the suggestion in check but some of it manages to spill over._

He winces a bit but presses on, "Liv, it's not just about the baby. This pregnancy puts you at risk, too."

 _His distress is evident- she tries to put herself in his shoes, she fears losing him just as much._

She reaches out and takes his hand, "Rafi, I know you're scared. So am I. But chances are- everything will be fine. We can't live in fear of what might happen. Let's just take this one day at a time, OK? Business as usual until the doctor tells us otherwise. In 8 months we'll have a tiny little person turning our life upside down- lets not do it prematurely."

Barba smiles at her- accepting her premise. _He'd never understand why he can be so calm and collected about anything until she's involved- at which point he turns into a panicked hothead._

"Alright." He considers her a moment. "Sure I can't convince you to take tomorrow off?"

"Barba" It's her Lt. voice and he knows to give in.

He smiles at her. _There was something calming about her determination to go about their lives as if nothing was different._

She smiles back but is immediately interrupted by a need to vomit once again. He sighs and places the cool washcloth on the back of her neck.

 **The next morning,** Olivia is greeted by the smell of bacon and eggs when she exits the shower. She gets dressed and walks out to find Noah already dressed and Barba at the stove putting breakfast on plates. He holds one out to her.

She smiles at his thoughtfulness. "This is very sweet but I'm not sure I can stomach eggs after last night."

Barba furrows his brow, "You should eat something though. Fruit? We have bananas. I think there's still some cereal."

She throws him a look as she takes a small plate to Noah's highchair. "Are you going to be like this the whole time or do you think this will eventually subside? Because at this rate you're either going to have a coronary or I'm going to kill you before the baby comes."

He pretends to ignore her and hands her a glass of orange juice before stating, very matter-of-factly- "There's also oatmeal."

Olivia smiles at him and takes a sip of her orange juice before lifting Noah into his highchair.

Barba's eyes grow wide and he nearly jumps over the counter, "I'll do that!"

Olivia ignores him and places Noah's breakfast in front of him. "Noah, your daddy is very sweet but he may not survive the next nine months."

Olivia realizes what she's just said and turns back to gauge Barba's reaction, "Sorry, I shouldn't have-"

Barba holds up a hand and gives her a tight smile, "It's OK. I kinda don't mind it. Should probably get used to it."

Olivia smiles back at him and they go back to their morning routine.

 **Once at work, Olivia** is greeted by her squad- who seems very grateful to have her back if only to know that Barba will have calmed down. She explains that nothing's wrong- simply a stomach virus gone awry and everyone seems to accept it. That is until Barba arrives for a mid-morning briefing.

He looks exhausted as he joins Carisi, Fin and Rollins in the middle of the bullpen but they chalk it up to his previous stress.

When Olivia walks out of her office to join them, he stops midsentence to address the coffee cup in her hand. His brow furrows and he nearly shouts at her, "Are you drinking coffee?"

The others stop and turn to look at her awaiting a reaction. Olivia gives Barba the sweetest 'I'm going to murder you' look she can muster and responds with a curt, "It's tea. Decaf. Tea."

Barba realizes how much attention he's drawn to their exchange. He feels a bit embarrassed and equally terrified at the wrath he's sure to face at home.

Olivia turns to their confused team and does her best to dismiss his comment. "We're cutting back on coffee."

Carisi scoffs and turns to Barba, "You're giving up coffee?"

Annoyed, Barba grinds out, "Cutting back, not giving up."

Rollins looks over at him, amused, "Something tells me we're not going to like you very much for the next few months."

Barba turns his attention back to the board, "Anyway, as I was saying-"

The others all snicker as he continues to brief them on the key points for trial.

 **After the briefing, Liv and Barba** go back to her office. Rollins strolls to Fin's desk and leans against it as he shuffles through a case file. "Need something?"

Rollins gestures toward Liv's office door with a nod of her head, "Barba's still worried about something. Something's clearly wrong."

Fin leans back in his chair, "She'll tell us when we need to know. Til then- let's focus on our own business."

Rollins is a bit taken aback by his abruptness but realizes he's probably just as worried for Liv, "You're right. Sorry." She shuffles back to her desk as Fin returns to his paperwork.


	5. Chapter 5

**Three weeks later, Barba** finds himself sitting nervously beside Liv in the doctor's office- their first ultrasound just moments away. He taps his finger against the fake wood of the waiting room chairs and stares into space.

 _Ever since he'd done all that late night research three weeks ago, Barba couldn't shake the feeling in the back of his mind that this baby was just some foreign entity inhabiting Olivia's body. Of course, he had moments of joy that they were expecting a baby- and when he didn't, he'd fake it for Liv's sake- but in the back of his mind there was always this thought. This thought that any moment now- this little thing he hadn't even met yet could cease to exist and take Liv's happiness with it. Or worse- take her with it. Logically, he realized the chances were small- but even the small chance frightened the hell out of him. He'd read that most fathers didn't connect with the baby as quickly as the mothers since they weren't actually carrying the baby- but straight up resentment seemed disconcerting. He hated himself for it. He does his best to shake the idea from his head. Tell himself it will all be OK. But he fears coming to this ultrasound was a bad idea- that seeing it will make it real- connect his resentment to their actual child._

Liv's hand reaches out and stills his on the chair. He shakes himself out of his thoughts and gives her a nervous smile. The energy his hand was expelling seems to transfer to his foot as his heel begins to bounce up and down.

Liv smiles at him and leans in to whisper, "Keep this up and I really am going to make you give up coffee."

He realizes he needs to take his mind off this. "Fin briefed me on Roberts this morning. You're going to have to bring me more if you want a warrant."

Olivia turns to him with an almost disgusted look, "Barba we're-"

She's cut off by the nurse collecting them from the waiting room.

The nurse sits Olivia in a chair to take her vitals. After taking her blood pressure- the nurse sighs, "Your blood pressure is a bit high."

Olivia throws a look to Barba, "Can't imagine why."

The nurse considers the exchange and smiles, "It's no big deal- could just be nerves- we'll take it again once you're all done."

She leads them back to an ultrasound room and asks them to wait for the doctor.

"You've cut out caffeine, you eat a million bananas a day and neither of us has eaten red meat since that last episode of Hannibal- how can you possibly have high blood pressure?"

Olivia steps up to sit on the exam table and flashes him look, "It may have something to do with you being a giant pain in the ass. Barba, the circumstantial evidence alone would convince a jury that Roberts is our guy. You should- at the very least- be able to get a warrant with it."

"Olivia, we're talking about-"

The doctor enters- she ignores the fact that she's clearly interrupting an argument and attempts to be pleasant. "Good to see you, Olivia." She extends a hand across to Barba. "And you must be Mr. Barba." He shakes her hand with a tight smile. "Let's get started, shall we? Olivia, if you can just lie back and lift your shirt."

Olivia does as she's told. Her focus now on the doctor instead of Barba. Barba stands beside her, worrying his lip as he looks anxiously at the screen.

While the doctor preps everything and squirts gel on Olivia's stomach, Barba leans down and whispers harshly, "We're talking about a judge. We have to be sure, we have to get this right."

Olivia turns her head slowly back to Barba as the doctor begins to move the ultrasound wand over her torso, "Then get us the damn warrant."

"It's not-"

Barba is cut off by a sudden rhythmic, wooshing sound. He looks up at the monitor, dumbfounded, "Is that-?"

The doctor looks at both awestruck parents and grins, "The baby's heartbeat. Already beating strong, 121 beats a minute."

Barba reaches out and grabs Olivia's hand. "Holy shit" ,he breathes out. He meets Olivia's tear-filled eyes and feels his own fill up, "There's a real baby in there."

He grins at her and she grins back- their previous argument temporarily forgotten.

 _Barba had been right. The ultrasound did make it real. But not in the way that he thought- all the resentment melted away and was replaced by intense love. He remembered feeling similarly when he'd first gotten to know Noah- how could he feel so much love for something that couldn't even form complete sentences? In this case, he can't even really see or touch it- but he knows he loves this baby. And a very real fear washes over him- if something happens to it- it won't just take away Olivia's happiness. Now it'll take his as well. For the first time in a long time, he says a silent prayer that everything turns out alright._

 **After the appointment** , Barba reluctantly drops Olivia back by the precinct before heading back to his office- wishing that he didn't have to wait 5 more weeks to tell the world what he's just seen.

 **For the first time in** a long time, it's Barba that gets home first. He relieves Lucy and throws together a quick dinner before walking back to put Noah to bed.

Olivia comes home to find him sleeping in the rocking chair- Noah sprawled out across his chest. The Spanish storybook they'd been reading has fallen from Barba's hand and lays open on the ground. She smiles at him from the doorway then walks over to take Noah. Instinctively, Barba grabs for him and wakes up. Registering, what's going on- Barba lets her take the toddler. He sits forward and rubs his face to try to wake up as Olivia gently places Noah into his bed.

"There's chicken, and some broccoli, still left in there if you want me to heat it up." He grabs the book from the floor and places it carefully on Noah's bookshelf before turning to watch Liv lay a kiss on Noah's head. He gives her a sleepy smile as she walks over and leads him out to the kitchen.

She pours herself a glass of water as he pulls out the chicken and broccoli and places it on a plate and then into the microwave. He leans against the counter and she saunters up to stand between his legs- wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a languid kiss. She pulls away and grins at him, "Do we have any mustard?"

He scrunches his face at her- still a little sleepy, "What is it with you and the mustard?"

She shrugs and walks over to the fridge. She finds the mustard and pulls it out triumphantly, "We do! We do have mustard!"

He grins at her- considering her for another moment before saying something that's been on his mind all evening. "You know that paperwork, we talked about? The paperwork for Noah?"

She stops and looks at him a bit perplexed.

"I know it seemed like I only said all that because I thought you were dying but I really would like it if we had some."

Olivia's a bit surprised by the sudden change of topic, "You want to adopt Noah?" It comes out a bit more dubious than surprised and Barba second guesses himself.

"If you're uncomfortable with it-"

Olivia realizes her mistake and steps towards him taking his hand. "Rafi, I can think of no one I'd rather have as Noah's father."

He lets out a relieved breath. "I just don't ever want him thinking he comes second because he and I don't share DNA."

She grins, "Then lets get some paperwork." She leans in and kisses him. _Everyday she questions how El Tiburón became this man she seemingly can't live without. And everyday he shows her how lucky she is to have found him._


	6. Chapter 6

**Five weeks after** the ultrasound, Liv and Barba are finally breathing easier. A week into the second trimester and, barring any big cases, they planned on telling his mother and the squad the following weekend. Barba had finally stopped panicking every time Liv moved and they'd settled, for the most part, into their normal routine.

Currently, they were lying in bed enjoying the most recent addition to their routine. In what had become a weekly tradition, Olivia lays snuggled into Barba's side as he reads from one of the many baby books he'd ordered.

"She, or he-" Barba at some point had begun referring to the baby as a she- which annoyed Olivia to no end- but he couldn't seem to help it so he was in a constant state of correcting himself. "-is about the size of a peapod and has it's own distinct fingerprints." He looks down at Olivia and smiles- "So we can now officially book the baby if it doesn't behave."

Olivia smiles up at his lame joke and plants a chaste, tender kiss on his lips. "You're such a nerd."

Barba smiles and closes the book. He rolls into her half covering her body with his- his knee tucked in between her legs, "Maybe, but I'm your nerd." He leans in for a more lingering kiss. She moans and arches into him as he deepens the kiss- a hand trailing down her side until it reaches exposed skin at her hip. As it so often seems to do- their weekly reading session quickly evolves into a passionate love-making session.

 **The following morning, Barba and Trevor Lanagan** show up early in Olivia's office to sign some of the adoption paperwork. When Fin notices the two leaving- he walks over to her door just in time to hear Barba offer to bring her lunch before he hurries out.

She turns her attention to Fin, "Got something for me?"

Fin steps into her office behind her. "Looks like Taylor is somewhere in Queens. Bodega owner ID'd him."

Olivia retreats behind her desk, business as usual- "Alright, send Carisi and Rollins up to question the owner, let me know as soon as they have something."

"They're on their way" Fin considers her curiously for a moment. "What's with Lanagan?"

Olivia doesn't even look up- busying herself with the file in front of her. "Some paperwork for Noah."

She looks up when Fin answers with silent skepticism. "And Barba?"

Olivia sighs. _They're only a week from telling everyone anyway- and Fin isn't one for gossip- so Olivia decides spilling half of their announcement won't hurt. And trying to avoid the conversation will most likely take longer._

She tries to brush it off as nonchalantly as possible, looking back to her file, "Barba has decided to adopt Noah."

Fin's face falls. He takes a few steps back and closes the door behind him. "Liv, you know I'm not one to get in your business. But you know I got your back, if-."

Liv looks up and sees the concern in his eyes, she softens. "Everything's fine, Fin."

Fin's frustration bleeds through for a moment- _Barba'd been acting strange since her mysterious "stomach bug"- and since then she'd had two doctors appointments. He was officially starting to worry._ "Barba's an alright guy- I know you're close but I can't imagine you'd let the Pope adopt Noah after only dating for, what? 6 months? If something's wrong- I need to know."

Liv stands and comes around the desk, she tries to be as reassuring as possible- she doesn't need her second-in-command second guessing her. "I promise you, I'm fine. For now, I need you to drop it."

 _She registers for a moment that she's only seen Fin look this worried for her once._ He nods reluctantly.

She tries to lighten the mood- "Barba and I want to have everyone over Sunday for brunch to announce the adoption, think you'll make it?"

He nods, "I'll be there." He retreats out the door- looking less than convinced that she's OK.

 **By the afternoon** , the squad has managed to track down Taylor- a white supremacist who'd raped and beaten his girlfriend nearly to death before fleeing to Queens. As far as they could tell- he'd holed up at a friend's- another known white supremacist that they believed had an impressive weapons cache.

Barba strides in victorious with a warrant. Liv looks up from her place in the bullpen where she stands prepping the team. "That was fast."

Barba raises a suggestive eyebrow at her, "What can I say, I'm good."

Olivia smirks at him- then turns to the team. "Alright, SWAT is waiting to meet us there- we'll-"

Barba looks taken aback, "You're not going." It's not a question.

The bullpen goes quiet. Olivia turns to him- raising an eyebrow. _Did he really just say that?_ Barba knows he's overstepped but he lowers his chin, giving her a look of conviction- he's not backing down.

"Counselor, a minute?" She motions to her office. They step inside and close the door. Fin, Rollins and Carisi stand awkwardly for a moment listening to raised voices muffled behind the door.

Carisi turns to Fin, "If she shoots him- do we still do the raid or do we send someone else?"

 **Liv rounds on Barba** the moment they're through the door, "You wanna try not undermining me in front of my squad for maybe 24 hours?"

Barba tries to reign in his own frustration- holding out a hand in front of him. It's a gesture that he often uses to try to calm her down so he can speak- but it only ever seems to make her more angry. He speaks as calmly and evenly as he can manage, "Look, I'm sorry about out there, I shouldn't have dealt with it like that, but-"

"I'll say!"

"But! I'd really rather you let Fin run the raid."

She shakes her head in frustrated disbelief, "Barba, I'll be 100 yards from the house with a flack jacket on!"

Barba's attempt to stay calm is quickly forgotten as his frustration boils over, "And I'd appreciate it if you didn't take our child to a place where flack jackets are required! I wouldn't let you take Noah to a raid! Would you try to take him?!"

 _She knows he's right- knew he was right from the moment he spoke in the bullpen- but that only frustrates her more._

She stares him down but he can see in her eyes, he's made his point. He steps closer to her with a newfound calm and pleads, "Please, Liv." He takes one of her hands and holds eye contact. "You can go back to chasing the bad guys after the baby's born- but if something goes wrong—I can't lose you both."

She sighs and nods reluctantly.

They walk back out to the bullpen and Barba hands Fin the warrant. Fin gives Olivia a concerned, questioning look. Olivia does her best to ignore it. "Fin, I'm going to let you take the lead on this one. Barba and I have to review testimony for tomorrow's trial- so we'll monitor from here."

Fin nods, "Sure, Lieutenant." The detectives start to move out but he lingers for a moment.

She makes eye contact and considers his concern, "I'll explain later. I promise."

Fin nods and turns to follow Rollins and Carisi out.

 **Barba had been right** \- Taylor and his skinhead friend had made an ill-fated attempt to go out "guns blazing". There were no serious injuries but two officers had been hit.

Despite all that, Olivia had still managed to get home before Barba. When he walks in, he finds Noah playing on the floor while she cleans off his highchair from dinner. She looks exhausted.

As he puts his briefcase down, Noah toddles over to him- stretching out his arms to be picked up. Lately, he seemed to always want Barba- and Barba reveled in it- realizing the stage probably wouldn't last long. He picks the boy up and walks over to Olivia in the kitchen.

She gives him a smile as he leans in for a quick kiss. "You OK?" He considers her. "Those officers OK?"

She lets out a sigh, "Yeah, they're OK. One got hit in the shoulder and the other in the vest."

"I'm sorry." He manages to hold back his 'I told you so'. He decides to change the subject. "So I see Noah's already eaten- should we make something or order in?"

Olivia scrunches her nose at him, "Whatever you want actually. I'm not really feeling great."

"Are you sure? I could whip up a mean grilled cheese and pickles. I'll even run down and grab you some of those disgusting Salt and Vinegar chips you keep wanting." He quirks an eyebrow at her and smiles.

She returns his smile, "That's very sweet but I really don't feel like eating anything."

Barba turns to Noah- perched on his hip, "Hear that Noah, I'll be running out for those chips at midnight- mark my words." He tickles the boy's side and Noah giggles.

He turns back to Olivia, she's smiling but he once again registers how exhausted she looks. She puts her hands out to take Noah, "Why don't you order something for you and I'll get this guy in bed."

Noah leans further into Barba- still wanting him. Olivia puts a hand on her hip and tilts her head in a look of faux disapproval, "You know, I'm starting to get a complex."

She and Barba both chuckle. Barba smiles at her, "Why don't I put him in bed and you go take a shower and relax."

 _Normally she'd feel bad for dumping everything on Barba but she genuinely doesn't feel good so she gives in._

She nods and gives him one last peck, "Thank you." He gives her a broad smile before she retreats back to the bathroom.

Barba turns and takes Noah to his bedroom. He's managed to change the toddler into his pajamas when he hears Olivia's panicked voice from the other room, "Rafi!"

He pulls Noah onto his hip and rushes into the bathroom where he finds Olivia standing over the sink. He does his best to keep panic out of his own voice, "What's wrong?"

She turns to him clearly panicked, tears forming in her eyes, "Rafi, I'm- I'm bleeding."


	7. Chapter 7

**Barba can feel** the color drain from his face as his heart drops into his stomach but as Olivia turns to him- tears starting to stream down her face- he realizes, he has to be the one to hold it together. He slides Noah down his side to stand beside him and steps forward to take her into his arms. The instant his arms are around her- she breaks, sobbing into his shoulder.

He turns his head to whisper into her ear as he rubs his hands over her back, "Mi amor, it's OK. It's going to be alright. Mira, we're going to go to the hospital and get it all checked out, OK?"

Barba continues to whisper to her, a mix of English and Spanish- the only give away that he is, himself, on the verge of breaking down.

Barba's attempts to comfort Olivia are interrupted by a small arm around his leg followed by a soft whimper. He looks down to realize that Noah is also crying- scared about whatever is upsetting his mom. He temporarily releases Olivia- keeping a calming hand on her arm as he stoops to pick up Noah.

As he brings him back up, Barba meets his eyes and speaks as calmly as he can, "Oye, compay, Mamí es OK. Mira."

Noah turns hesitantly towards his mom- who makes a futile attempt to wipe her eyes and gives him a small smile. "I'm OK, Noah- it's OK, buddy."

Barba pulls her into him. He tries to speak as if everything is normal for the benefit of their son. "Alright, Mamí, why don't you lie down for a second while Noah and I go get the car- and I'll call you when we're downstairs."

Olivia retreats to the bed as Barba and Noah head for the door. Barba pulls Noah's jacket on and finds some shoes that will fit over his footy pajamas before nearly running out of the apartment.

As soon as he's out on the street, he pulls out his phone and dials a number. The voice that comes on the other line nearly makes him lose his final shreds of composure.

"Mamí, I need you to meet me at Mount Sinai to pick up Noah."

 **By the time Lucia** Barba arrives in the emergency room- Olivia has a room but hasn't yet seen a doctor. Lucia walks in to find Olivia leaned back in bed- mentally drained- and her son, looking as disheveled as she's ever seen him- holding Noah tight to his hip.

Noah lifts his sleepy head from Barba's shoulder and stretches out towards Lucia as she enters, "Abi!"

Lucia reaches out to take him from an anxious, exhausted Barba. "Hey, Gordo. Olivia, are you alright? Rafael, what's going on?"

Barba cuts his eyes over at Olivia, "You OK for a second?"

Olivia gives him a tight smile and nods. Lucia, Noah and Barba walk out into the hallway.

Now with his mother here- everything is becoming real- Barba's doing his best to hold it together but patience was never his strong suit. Once in the hallway- he avoids eye contact- in an attempt to get through his explanation.

"Mom, I told you about the adoption?" Lucia nods, perplexed. "I didn't really explain why we were doing it so soon."

"Rafi, if you-"

"Mamí, Liv is pregnant." Barba keeps his head down but lifts his eyes to hers.

A moment of joy sparks in her eyes before she realizes where they are and her face falls, "Something's wrong with the baby."

Barba's jaw tightens- he closes his eyes- determined not to lose it for Liv's sake. "We don't know. She- after we got home today- she found blood."

A comforting smile reaches Lucia's face as she steps forward and places her free hand on her son's arm. "Rafi, mirame, that's very common. I know you're both scared but I'm sure everything is fine. It happened to me with you."

Barba finally brings his face up to look at her- it is somehow comforting to hear that.

Lucia hugs Noah close, "Stop worrying until there's something to worry about." Barba lets out a frustrated sigh. "Now go be with her." She looks down at Noah, "And me and this little guy are going to go have some fun."

Noah lifts his head from her shoulder and gives her a sleepy chuckle- knowing she's talking about him. Barba gives her a look of disapproval, "Straight to bed, Mamí, or we won't be sleeping for the rest of the week."

Lucia addresses Noah, "Gordo, I don't know how your Papí survived childhood with me- I clearly don't know what I'm doing." She tosses a look back to Barba. Then gestures with her head to Liv's room, "Go, I can handle it."

 **Twenty minutes later** , an older doctor finally walks in to talk to Olivia and Barba. Barba- who's been sitting in a chair next to Olivia holding her hand- quickly stands to greet him but doesn't release Liv's hand.

"Olivia Benson?" Liv nods and the doctor comes to stand opposite Barba. "How about you tell me what's going on."

Barba gives Olivia's hand a gentle squeeze as she starts, "Well, I'm a little over 13 weeks pregnant. This afternoon, I wasn't feeling well after we got home from work. When I went to the bathroom, I noticed I was bleeding."

"Was there a lot of blood?"

Liv is getting a little agitated from all the waiting to know what's wrong, "What constitutes a lot of blood, Doctor?"

Barba gives her hand another squeeze and the doctor a weak smile. The doctor takes it all in stride, "As much as your period?"

Liv settles herself again- anxiety taking back over, "On a light day."

Barba can feel the panic start to rise up in his chest.

"Any changes in diet?" Liv and Barba shake their heads. "Any possible trauma? A fall? Accident? Something you may not have considered at the time?" Barba's eyes go wide- he looks to her as if accusing her of keeping a secret.

Olivia shakes her head and looks pointedly at Barba- her look informing him that he's being ridiculous, "No."

"Have you recently had intercourse?"

Olivia nods. Barba freezes- _the logical part of his brain knows that it's OK but the panicked part of his brain is terrified at the prospect that he's done something to cause this pain._

He can't help the question that escapes him, "Should we not?"

A small smile comes to the doctor's face- "No, it's perfectly fine. But sometimes in the first trimester, it does cause some bleeding. That's probably all we're dealing with but better safe than sorry. How often would you say?"

Liv and Barba check in with each other but Liv is the one to answer, "I'd say a few times a week, 2, 3?"

The doctor's eyes widen a bit in surprise, "With two full time jobs and a toddler? Wow. That's-"

If Barba wasn't so worried he'd realize the doctor was impressed not concerned. He makes no attempt to hide the slight panic in his voice. "We've done it too much?"

At this point even Liv, though still worried, is a bit amused at Barba's terror that their sexual escapades have somehow caused the demise of their child. She squeezes his hand to comfort him as he'd done for her.

"No, it's safe. But I'm fairly certain we've found the cause of the bleeding. I'm going to get an ultrasound machine in here right away to confirm that the baby is OK. If it all checks out, you should probably try to take it easy for the next week- if you think you can keep your hands to yourselves."

Olivia- relieved by the doctor's confidence gives him a smile. Barba on the other hand still looks a bit sheepish.

 **Within minutes** , the doctor has wheeled in an ultrasound machine. Barba holds tight to Olivia's hand and leans in until he hears the soft wooshing of the heartbeat and sees an image on the screen.

The doctor looks up with a smile, "All good. I'm just going to take some measurements for the chart and you're good to go."

Relief washes over Liv and Barba. He closes his eyes and when he opens them again, Liv sees tears forming as he looks at the monitor. He turns to her- meeting her eyes, a relieved smile overtaking his face, "She's OK in there."

Liv rolls her eyes, "Barba."

He chuckles, "OK, it's OK in there."

"He's determined it's a girl" ,Liv explains.

The doctor smiles up at the two of them, "Unfortunately, that's a fight I can't resolve for you for another few weeks."

They both return the doctor's smile before returning their gaze to each other- Barba leans in and kisses her tenderly, "Told you it'd be alright."

A broad smile grows over Olivia's face, "Ah yes, you were the picture of calmness."

Barba returns a look of faux offense, "Hey!" He winks at her as smile creeps back to his face. The relief they both feel has them on cloud nine.


	8. Chapter 8

**SOOOO Sorry this update took so long everyone! I've been working non-stop for the past month and haven't had time to come up for air before now. Hope you enjoy this one! Will try to update soon!**

 **Barba and Olivia return** to find a very anxious Lucia waiting for them on their couch. She jumps up the moment they enter and makes eye contact with her son.

Barba gives her a nervous smile, "They're both fine."

Lucia's gaze now shifts to Olivia who returns a soft, tired smile. Lucia's face lights up as she rushes forward to embrace the Lieutenant. "Oh, Olivia, Honey, congratulations! I'm so happy for you two!"

Liv can't help the small chuckle that escapes her- happy to finally share the news with someone other than Barba. Lucia moves back- holding her at arms length, "OK, tell me everything! How far along?"

"Mamí, we both have to be at work tomorrow, can this wait?"

Liv smiles at Barba, "Let your mom have her fun!"

Barba gives both women 'the look' which morphs into a smile. "I'm gonna go check on Noah." He gives Liv a peck on the cheek before retreating to the boy's room.

Olivia turns back to Lucia, "13 weeks"

Lucia's excitement grows, "Girl, boy? Were they able to tell tonight?"

 **Barba steps quietly** into Noah's room as the sound of the women chattering fills their apartment. He walks over and looks down at the boy- sound asleep. He places a hand on his back- feeling the motion of Noah's slow, steady breathing- and takes a deep breath himself.

 _He hates this feeling- the one he felt tonight. The uncertainty, the complete lack of control. Noah is tangible- it gives him the false perception that he can protect him from everything. And even knowing it's not true- he feels in control. Barba realizes that for the next 6 months- he'll be holding his breath- waiting to be in control again. But in the back of his mind, he knows that he'll be holding his breath for the rest of his life. That this little person in front of him- and the one yet to arrive- will be carrying his heart around outside his body til the day he dies. It's terrifying and exhilarating._

Reassured that Noah is sleeping peacefully- he makes his way back out to the living room.

 **Barba finds Liv** and his mother laughing hysterically about something as he approaches. Lucia changes the subject, "So names?"

"Oye, Mamí, enough for tonight. We have another 6 months for the two of you to plan."

Lucia rolls her eyes at Barba, "Alright, Rafi." She leans over to hug Olivia.

"Goodnight, Lucia."

"Night, Liv."

Olivia retreats to their room as Barba walks his mom to the door.

"Mamí, we're telling the squad this weekend. We're doing lunch here, if you'd like to join, after Mass?"

"Wouldn't miss it." She leans in and gives Barba a peck on the cheek. "Congratulations, Papí. Te amo."

Barba gives her a soft smile, "Love you, too, Mom."

 **Olivia has changed** and is sitting up in bed when Barba walks in. He undoes his cufflinks and turns to deposit them on their dresser when she speaks up from behind him, "You know we haven't discussed names."

Barba turns to look over his shoulder, amused, as he untucks and unbuttons his shirt. "Mmhmm, have you thought about it?"

Olivia smirks back, "A little." At the quirk of his eyebrow, she procedes. "Well, you know if it's a boy- we could name him, Rafael-"

Barba turns back to her, as if it's a joke, "No we can't." Olivia's perplexed look tells him she wasn't joking. He's taken aback. "Liv, Noah was first, if anyone gets Rafael, it's-"

"Rafi, I'm sure Noah would understand if you wanted-"

"I don't." He states matter-of-factly. He walks over to hamper to deposit his shirt before returning to sit on the end of their bed where he begins to remove his shoes.

 _Olivia's touched by his adamance that Noah be treated like any other first born._

"Alright, no Rafael. You have any ideas?"

Barba shrugs, "Hadn't really thought about it."

"Because it's a girl?" Olivia smirks, feigning annoyance.

Barba looks over his shoulder with a grin, "I didn't say that." He finally sheds his shoes and stands to shirk of his pants and suspenders before moving to the closet to hang them up.

Olivia considers him a moment, "If it is a girl-" Barba peeks out from the closet with a wide grin, Olivia rolls her eyes at him. "IF it's a girl, I was thinking- Catalina."

This time when Barba peeks out- it's much more serious. For once, Olivia isn't sure how to read him, "Unless you-"

Barba shakes his head, "No, I love it." He moves towards the bed and leans over her, pressing a kiss to her lips. His voice catches as he whispers against her lips, "It's perfect." And then there they are again- the tears- welling up in his eyes. After all the emotion of the day- he can't seem to help it.

Olivia takes his face in both hands- smiling at his rare display. "I love you."

He smiles before pressing another kiss to her lips. He pulls back and climbs in bed beside her.

She turns to face him- a wide grin on her face. "So, boy's names."

Barba rolls his eyes and laughs at her eagerness. It's going to be a long night. He pulls her into his side and she snuggles into his chest. "So boy names" he says into her hair.

 **Sunday finally rolls around** \- the entire squad is right on time. They manage to make small talk until Barba's mom gets there but they all know something is up. As soon as Lucia walks through the door- Barba decides not to drag it out any more.

"Alright guys- just- before we get started, we have a couple quick announcements." Amid the questioning looks and raised eyebrows, he opens the floor up to Olivia who has stepped up beside him to take his hand.

Fin and Amanda both look as if they're holding their breath.

Olivia smiles over at the two of them, "First, Barba has decided to go ahead and adopt Noah."

Amanda and Carisi both look a bit shocked- though Amanda's shock is laced with worry about the possible implications of this step.

Amanda's the first to speak up, excited for him, "Wow, Barba! Big step."

Olivia turns to look at Barba- who shifts his gaze from her to the squad. She gives his hand a quick squeeze- encouraging him to share the rest. He takes a deep breath, "And it appears Noah will have a baby sister or brother joining him soon."

Fin stands shocked, Carisi perplexed, while excitement washes over Amanda's face but she hesitates. _Does this mean-?_

Olivia smiles at her and confirms, "I'm pregnant."

Amanda rushes toward her, "Oh my God, Liv! Congratulations!" She envelops her in a hug giving Fin and Carisi time to catch up.

Fin's eyes shift quickly to Barba- still not sure what to think. Barba returns a nervous smile. Carisi is next to step up and hug the Lieutenant before Fin leans in to her for a quick hug and genuine congratulations. Of anyone here, save Barba- Fin knows how long she's wanted this and is happy for her.

Lucia, Amanda and Carisi crowd around Olivia chattering excitedly.

Meanwhile, Noah who'd been contentedly playing on the floor, makes his way over to Barba – he holds his hands up to be picked up so he can investigate the sudden commotion. Barba obliges. "Quieres jugo?" He looks to Fin who's standing on the outside of the circle. "Another beer?"

Fin nods and follows him into the kitchen. Barba grabs Fin another beer before focusing on pouring Noah some juice. Fin leans against the counter and waits for Barba to hand off the juice. "Congratulations, Counselor."

Barba nods, with a tight smile. He knows Fin has more to say so he waits. Fin meets his eyes. "Don't fuck this up."

It's matter-of-fact, non-threatening but clear.

And Barba can't blame him- Fin's the closest thing Liv has to a brother. Fin's just as protective of her as Barba is- and Barba doesn't just respect that- he appreciates it. It lets him breathe easy knowing she has a number two that has her back.

Barba returns a nervous chuckle, "Doing my best not to."

Fin gives him a genuine smile- "I know."

They give each other an understanding nod before walking back to join the others.

 **Lucia and Amanda** have steered the conversation towards names. Olivia- excited to finally have answers is eager to share, "We're thinking Michael if it's a boy."

Carisi pipes up- "Noah and Michael- very biblical."

"Hey, don't look at me- he's the Catholic." Olivia jokes as Barba steps back into the circle beside her.

"My grandfather was Miguel so we thought it'd be a good name to pass on." Barba gives Olivia's arm a quick squeeze.

She turns back to the group, "And if it's a girl, Catalina." Olivia looks straight to Lucia to gauge her reaction. Lucia's face softens, a tender smile overtaking her face. She nods to Olivia and her son in silent communication.

"Oh that's a beautiful name! Is that a family name too?" Amanda asks.

Lucia turns to her with a nod, "My mother's."

"That's very sweet."

Barba finally cuts in to the gabbing, "Alright everyone- food's getting cold. And if we wait too much longer we'll have a hungry, grumpy three year old boy on our hands."

Olivia turns to him, amused. "You sure it's not the hungry, grumpy 45 year old boy we have to be worried about?"

Barba cuts her a look of faux disapproval as everyone laughs before moving to take their seats.

Barba and Liv can't help the smiles that stay plastered on their faces for the rest of the afternoon. This had been the last stage in solidifying that this was really happening- telling the people closest to them. Although, Barba realizes- as he places Noah in his highchair- that they still have one more (very important) person to explain it to.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone- mostly fluff from here on out. One more chapter left in this story. But I have a few- more angsty ideas that I'm working on separately. Hope you enjoy the fluff for now.**

 **Once everyone has left** , Barba and Olivia stand doing dishes at the sink. Barba stares pensively out at Noah- who is playing quietly in the living room. Olivia notices that he's lost in thought and nudges his shoulder with her own. "You OK?"

Barba sucks in a deep breath and looks at her, "Yeah, just thinking. How exactly are we going to explain it to him?"

Olivia smiles, "They understand more than you think. Just be prepared for lots of questions." She dries the last dish and looks to Barba. "You ready?"

Barba follows her hesitantly to the living room where they both join Noah on the floor with his trains. Barba takes one of the engines and drives it up to Noah, who giggles.

Olivia decides to take the plunge. "Hey Noah, you know how Benjamin's mommy just had a baby? And now Benjamin has a new brother?" Noah continues to drive his trains around the floor. "Remember that?"

Noah looks up at Olivia and nods. Barba looks nervously at Olivia, "Noah, your Mamí is going to have a new baby too. And you're going to have a new brother or sister."

Noah looks at Barba, perplexed. "Dónde está?"

"Well, it's in Mamí's tummy."

Now Noah looks at Olivia- concerned, "You eated it?"

Barba and Olivia both chuckle, "No, buddy, I didn't eat it. That's where babies grow- in Mommy's tummies."

Noah looks skeptical but continues his line of questioning, "How it's in there?"

Barba's eyes go wide in panic- Olivia puts a hand on his arm before he attempts an explanation, "Mommy and Daddy made it. And now it's growing."

Noah accepts the simple explanation much to Barba's relief, "I can see him?"

"Or her." Barba interjects.

Olivia rolls her eyes, "Not yet, buddy. The baby has to grow a little more. But you're going to be such a good big brother- the baby can't wait to come out and meet you."

Noah grins proudly. He leans over and whispers to Olivia's tummy, "I let you play with my train."

Olivia and Barba smile down at Noah talking to the new baby. Barba can't help but reach out and grab him- holding him up in the air to "fly", "I love you, Noah Benson! Mamí's right- you're going to be such a good big brother!"

Noah giggles. Both parents share a smile of relief that he seems to understand.

 **Four weeks later,** Liv is starting to show at 18 weeks. She and Barba go in for what they hope will be their last ultrasound.

The doctor comes in and after a few routine questions- starts the ultrasound. After checking the heartrate and taking a few measurements, she turns to Liv and Barba, "So- do you want to know? Or would you rather it be a surprise?"

Oliva and Barba turn to each other- excited. Barba can barely hold in his excitement, "I think the pregnancy was enough of a surprise for both of us. We wanna know."

The doctor moves the wand around a couple times. "Well, it looks like you two are having a little girl."

"I knew it!" Barba nearly yells in excitement.

Olivia rolls her eyes, amused, "Great, I'll never hear the end of this."

The doctor chuckles, "Have you two discussed names?"

Olivia's eyes soften- Barba takes her hand as she says, "Yeah, we've decided to name her Catalina."

The doctor smiles at them before typing on the small ultrasound screen CATALINA BENSON-BARBA and printing out a few images from the session. "There you go, baby Catalina."

Both parents beam back at her.

 **Noah doesn't take the news** that the baby will be a girl quite as well as Barba. Over the course of the next few weeks, he asks his dad "Why you didn't make a boy?" at least once a day- much to Barba's dismay.

At one point, in the bullpen- when asked by Fin if he's excited by the coming baby, Noah responds incredulously, "Tio, it's a girl one." As if to say, 'how could I possibly be excited about this?'

 **Noah's excitement soon returns,** however. Midway through week 22, Barba comes home to find Liv cooking dinner and Noah in the living room. After a quick hello to Noah- who is far too engrossed in coloring to engage his dad- Barba makes his way into the kitchen.

I walks up behind Liv at the counter and wraps his arms around her from behind and places a kiss on the back of her neck, "I love it when you get home before I do."

Olivia smiles, "Don't be so sure. I'm trying something new and I gotta tell you, it didn't look like this when Giada did it."

He chuckles, "I'm sure it'll be fine." He moves his hand over Liv's growing baby bump and feels a sudden pressure under his hand. He freezes. "Did you feel-?"

A grin spreads over Olivia's face and turns to face him. "She's kicking you."

Barba's eyes light up- he stoops down to talk to her tummy- placing a hand where he felt the first kick, "Hello, Catalina." At the sound of his voice he feels another small kick under his hand.

He stands and turns towards the living room, excited, "Noah, ven aquí!"

Noah, hearing the excitement in Barba's voice, jumps up and runs into the kitchen. When he gets there, Barba stoops back down to his eye level. He takes Noah's tiny hand and places it on Liv's tummy, "Mira." Barba leans in, "Catalina this is your big brother Noah."

Once again the baby responds to Barba's voice, kicking Noah's hand. Noah looks up at Liv shocked. Barba grins at his reaction, "Es su Hermana."

Noah grins and leans in, he whispers (as well as a three year old can whisper), "Hi, Baby." He looks back up at Olivia, "Her wants to get out?"

Olivia chuckles, "Not yet, buddy. She has to wait a little longer."

Noah looks back at Liv's tummy and pokes where he felt the kick. Liv makes a move back towards the counter, "Alright, boys- enough playing with the baby, I've gotta finish dinner."

 **After dinner, Barba agrees to dish** duty so Olivia can take a shower. Once he's done, he snuggles up with Noah to read a book in Noah's room.

Noah lays across the bed, a bit distracted. He puffs out his tummy and looks up at Barba with excitement. "Mira, Papí!"

 _Barba's heart flutters- Liv and his mother had been running a covert operation to get Noah to stop calling him Raf now that the adoption was weeks away from being finalized. He was still a bit uncomfortable with their pushing it but he had to admit the first time Noah called him Papí was one of the greatest feelings he'd ever felt. He still wasn't quite used to it though._

Noah grabs one of Barba's hands and places it on his tummy. He makes his tummy jump up and down under Barba's hand, "Es la niña!"

Barba laughs out loud, "Oye, Compay. You can't have a baby in your tummy, you're a boy."

Barba realizes immediately that he's made a mistake. Noah's bottom lip puffs out in an attempt not to cry, but when his lip starts to quiver the tears aren't far behind. Barba closes his eyes and sighs before pulling Noah close to try to comfort him, "Hey, buddy, I'm sorry- I didn't-" _He's not even sure where to go from here._

Luckily, Liv has just gotten out of the shower and swoops in to save him. She comes and stands in the doorway, "What's the matter?"

Barba continues to hold a crying Noah and looks at her, lost, "I told him he couldn't have a baby in his tummy." He mouths to her 'Worst Dad EVER'

Olivia chuckles and steps into the room. She takes a seat on the edge of the bed and puts a comforting hand on Noah's back, "Hey Noah, it's OK. You know you else can't have a baby in their tummy?"

Noah looks at her from under Barba's arm- his crying has quieted but tears still stream down his face. He shakes his head.

"Daddy. He can't have a baby in his tummy either. But he still gets to be the Daddy. "

Noah considers Barba for a moment. "It makes you sad?"

Barba smiles at him, "No way, buddy, I like being your Dad. And I like being the new babies Dad, too."

Noah looks a bit skeptical at first, but concedes, "OK, I be a Daddy."

Barba and Liv both chuckle. "Alright, how about we finish finding out what happens to this boy and the tree?"

Liv snuggles in on the other side of Noah- and by the time Barba finishes reading- he's fast asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**The next 15 weeks fly by**. Barba and Olivia manage to find some time to find a bigger apartment and leave behind their separate ones. Olivia's determination to move in before the baby arrives leads to the entire squad being at their apartment on move in day- at Barba's request. He refuses to let Olivia move anything.

 **Today at 37 weeks** pregnant, Olivia sits on the witness stand for what will be the last time before taking maternity leave- at the doctor's insistence. Barba stands at the corner of the witness stand as she explains to the jury why their victim may have waited to disclose.

Suddenly, Olivia stops mid-sentence- but it's her hand grabbing Barba's on the railing that draws his eyes back from the jury to her. His eyes go from confused to concerned as she shifts in her seat and leans into him, "We need a recess." His brain clearly isn't catching on so she clears things up, "Barba, my water just broke."

Stunned, Barba leans in and whispers, "No, it can't yet. I've still got three more questions."

Finally, the judge interrupts, "Mr. Barba, anything you'd like to share with the court?"

Barba straightens back up- his brain finally catching up with the situation, "Your Honor, it appears my witness is in labor."

The judge nearly laughs out loud- El Tiburón baffled in the courtroom isn't something you see every day. "Well then Mr. Barba, I think you should get 'your witness' to the hospital. We'll recess until Thursday morning."

The moment the gavel is down- Barba is rushing around to help Olivia out of the witness stand. It takes no time for Fin to be at her other side to help them out of the courtroom. By the time they exit the courthouse, Amanda already has a car pulled out front.

 **Once at the hospital,** they find that things are progressing rather quickly. When the doctor informs them that Olivia will have to forgo the epidural, Barba has a freak out that would make Shirley Maclaine proud.

 _Barba had pretty tough skin- except when it came to people he loved in pain. The idea of Olivia in pain all through the labor makes his stomach turn._

His freak out is short lived, however, as another contraction hits Olivia and he does his best to coach her through it. For the first two hours, Olivia's happy to have him there- talking her through it- excitedly chattering about meeting the new baby. Once the contractions are just two minutes apart, however, she's having none of it.

At one point, as Barba tries to coach her through a contraction, she can't help but squeeze his hand and yell, "Jesus, Barba, do you ever stop talking?! I mean have you ever HAD a baby? Why the hell are YOU coaching ME!?"

Barba looks over at the doctor who's just entered and looks as though she's about to die laughing, "Please get this thing out of her."

The contraction having temporarily subsided- even Liv gives a quick chuckle at him before the next contraction takes over.

The doctor positions herself at the foot of the bed and after a quick examination announces the good news- that it's time to push.

As the nurses rush around with last minute preparations- Olivia looks up at Barba, "You ready for this?"

He smiles down at her and leans in for a quick kiss, "Mi amor, no one is ever ready for this."

She laughs for a second before another contraction hits and she's crushing Barba's hand once more.

 **Twenty minutes later** , Catalina is in Liv's arms. Barba manages to cut the cord without passing out. Olivia looks over to him as he leans in and notices tears streaming down his cheeks- matching the ones streaming down hers.

 _She doesn't think she could love this man anymore than she does right now. Of course, she remembers thinking that yesterday when he was teaching Noah the chicken dance in their living room._

Barba plants an almost reverent kiss on Catalina's tiny forehead before turning his attention to Olivia, "Nice job, Mom. She's perfect."

Olivia places a hand on Barba's cheek- wiping away some of the tears before leaning in to kiss him. "I love you."

 **Soon the nurses sweep Catalina** back to the nursery for an examination and to let Liv get some rest.

Barba uses the time to step out and inform the squad that all's well. The moment he steps through the doors Fin, Rollins, Carisi and his mother are practically on top of him. He smiles at the four of them, "Well, she's here." There's a quick round of congratulations before he tells them, "Liv's sleeping but you can come back and see Catalina in the nursery if you want."

They all follow him back and he points out which one is Catalina so they can all stare at her through the glass.

 _Barba can't help but be overwhelmed by the sense of content he feels. Here he stands surrounded by his 'family' looking at his newborn daughter. He never thought he'd get to feel this. This overwhelming love. This sense of belonging._

Fin steps up beside him and places a hand on his shoulder, "Well done, Counselor."

Barba smirks at him, "So far so good." He quirks an eyebrow- a response to Fin's earlier request for him not to 'fuck this up'.

They both chuckle.

Having seen the baby, they all decide to head out. As Barba heads back to Olivia's room- Lucia tells him she'll pick up Noah from Lucy and bring him by in the morning.

 **The next morning finds** Barba and Olivia exhausted- having discovered the awesomeness of late night feedings. When Lucia walks in with Noah, Olivia has just finished feeding her again.

Noah sees his dad and rushes over to him. Barba immediately picks him up and hugs him close, "Hey, buddy!"

"Papí, why you not come home last night?"

Barba smirks, "Well I needed to stay with Mamí and the baby. But we'll be home soon. You want to meet your sister?"

Noah looks over to where Olivia's holding Catalina and shakes his head excitedly. Barba walks over to place him gently in the bed beside Olivia. Noah scoots in and looks curiously over at the small bundle. Olivia smiles at him, "Noah, this is Catalina. And she's very excited to meet you."

Noah smiles up at his mom as he reaches a finger out to touch Catalina's hand. "I can hold her?"

Olivia looks nervously to Barba who steps in to assist with a hand off. As he places Catalina in Noah's arms, Barba whispers, "Alright, buddy you have to sit very still and be very gentle. Entiendes?"

Noah nods and then goes still once the baby is on his lap. Olivia cradles Noah giving extra support to Catalina's head. Noah's entranced. After a moment, he looks at Olivia, "Why her eyes keep closing?"

"Well she's tired. Babies have to sleep a lot."

"A lot more than their parents apparently" Barba remarks, smiling over at Liv.

They realize that Noah is softly singing to Catalina. The words aren't all quite there but it takes only a moment to for Olivia to recognize that it's the same Spanish lullaby that Barba sings to Noah when he wakes up in the middle of the night. She plants a kiss on her son's head before smiling up at Barba, who's eyes are suddenly a bit moist.

After a few minutes, Barba turns his attention to his mother, "What do you think, Abeula? Want to hold her?"

Lucia smiles and walks over, "Thought you'd never ask."

 **After holding her new granddaughter** and spending some time chatting with the two new parents, Lucia decides to step out to give the small family a moment.

Barba holds a sleeping Catalina on the makeshift couch in their room. Noah sits beside him- still fascinated by his little sister. Barba seems equally fascinated as he and Noah chatter on about the new baby. "Yep, Dr. Catalina Benson-Barba. Sounds pretty good, right amigo?" He asks consulting Noah- who nods.

Olivia smirks, "Hey, your sending my son off to law school, my daughter off to med-school. What if one of them wants to be a cop?"

Barba addresses Catalina with a slight pitch in his voice, "No, they would never do that to their daddy, 'cause they know how upsetting it is to him that Mamí has to carry a gun." He smiles over at Olivia who rolls her eyes at him.

Barba looks over at his son, "Hey Noah, did you bring the present we got Mamí?"

Olivia eyes them both suspiciously. Noah nods excitedly before jumping down and rummaging through his tiny backpack. He pulls out a small gift bag triumphantly and marches across the room towards his mom. Barba- still holding Catalina- manages to help Noah up onto the bed.

Olivia takes the gift from her son- with a faux look of wariness to Barba. "You gonna tell me what it is Noah?"

Noah giggles, "No, Mamí, it's a 'prise."

She smiles at him and digs through the small bag- in it- she finds a small velvet box. She looks over at Barba- stunned. He only returns a nervous smile. She pops open the box to find a simple but classic diamond ring.

Finally, Barba finds some words. "I know this isn't the most romantic place. We were going to do it this weekend, in the park. And I can't exactly do the one knee thing here." He gestures to Catalina. "But here- with our two kids- I've never been this happy. And that's because of you. And there are no other people in the world that I'd rather spend my life with than the three people in this room. So Lieutenant Olivia Benson, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Tears start streaming down Olivia's faces as she nods and pulls Barba in for a gentle, sweet kiss. She whispers, "I love you."

Barba can't help the smile that overtakes his face. But Noah, confused by his mom's tears, furrows his brow. "You not like it?"

Barba and Olivia both chuckle at him. Olivia pulls him in to a hug, "No, baby, I love it. It's perfect. Sometimes Mommies cry when they're happy."

Noah sits back on his knees and eyes her skeptically but eventually accepts her answer.

Barba pulls the ring from it's box with his free hand and manages, with Liv's help, to slip it on her finger.

They both grin at each other before sharing another kiss. Both are overwhelmed by just how happy they are. Both had given up on this kind of happiness. It almost seemed to sneak up on them. In this moment though, they realize, they've finally found it.

 **Alright y'all- that's the last one for this story. Hope you enjoyed it! Will be posting more soon.**


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